With baby #3 due to arrive any day now, and my sense of humor waning, I thought I would post a top 10 list of things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman.

Working in a public setting and with a large variety of people, I have been bombarded (or maybe assaulted is a better word) with questions or comments from people.  *Note, each of these was said to me personally (most of which in the last 2 months).

So, without further adu…

10 Things to NEVER Say to a Pregnant Woman

1. “You are Ginormous! You can’t take offense to that because you are pregnant.” Is ginormous even a word?  I still had 4 weeks to go in my pregnacy when this amazing blip was said. And yes, I sure can take offense to you calling me a word that is a combination of gigantic + enormous.

2. “Are you having twins?” This phrase should NEVER, EVER be uttered to a pregnant woman (or any woman). Nothing good will ever come out of this question. 

3. How did THAT happen?  (said while looking at my belly in disbelief). My response: “Ummm… well one night, my husband and I…..” Really, what would be a proper response to this question? I learned about where babies came from in 5th grade guidance.

4. “OMG! Look at your belly. It is HUGE! You still have a month to go. What are you going to do?” My response: “I guess get bigger?” What choice do I have? Trust me, this belly isn’t making my life any easier… AND “How much BIGGER are you going to get?” As big as I need to. I’m growing a baby here, folks, not posing for Glamour magazine.

5. “You look like you’re going to POP! You’re pretty big. It looks like you’re going to have a baby soon!” – All of this was said by a complete stranger while physically grabbing and shaking my stomach.  I don’t even know how to respond to everything that is wrong with this. First of all, unless invited, NEVER touch a pregnant woman’s belly.  Secondly, see #4 in response to commenting about size. Lastly, babies don’t “pop” out of bellies.  There is a process, called labor… it’s not pretty or easy. I don’t appreciate being physically and verbally assaulted.

6. “Are you feeling okay? You look really tired and pale.” Maybe it is the fact that I’m carrying around 30+ extra pounds, not really sleeping at night and it’s winter in Minnesota.  Who isn’t tired and pale this time of year?

7. You still have 2 months to go? Really? You look like you are going to pop! Listen, sir,the only thing that is going to “pop” is you if you keep hurling insults my way.  

8. “Congratulations on expecting. When are you due? Is this your first?” My response, “No, this is #3 for me”. To which the customer replied “Oh, so you take your children to daycare? I would NEVER do that to my kids.” Okay, so we just went from friendly conversation to you offending me by saying that I am somehow harming my children by choosing to work outside the home. Good day!

9. You can’t have… (fish, peanuts, salt, sugar, honey, spicy foods, raw vegetables, coffee, feta cheese….) Thank you for your concern, however, I am very confident that I am choosing foods that are safe for both me and baby. Food is kind of my thing…

10. “I had such bad hemorrhoids when I was pregnant. How are your hemorrhoids?” (asked by a complete stranger in the cereal aisle). Ummm… I’m not comfortable talking about my butt in the cereal aisle… Thank you for your concern. I did, however recommend a high-fiber cereal. 🙂  – Unless you are a close family member or friend that I would normally discuss said issues with, please don’t ask…

What are some of the craziest things people have said to you while pregnant and how did you react?  Maybe we can write a book!